


Let us be Brave

by badwolfchild



Series: Weight of Us [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Len is a sweater thief, Lewis Snart's A+ Parenting, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 19:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfchild/pseuds/badwolfchild
Summary: Prompt by marthakun95: "Can you do one in which Ray convinces Mick to be friends with Leonard again? I would love to see that happen!"Flipped it a little and had Ray convince Len to talk to Mick instead.





	Let us be Brave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marthakun95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marthakun95/gifts).



> I wasn't planning on adding anything more to the first story, but I got this comment and it just wouldn't leave me alone. 
> 
> tw for past self-harm and past child abuse. I made sure to tag everything I could but if anyone thinks something else needs to be tagged be sure to let me know!

“For the last time,  _ no Raymond. _ ”

 

“Just talk to him, please…”

 

“No.” Len flips around to face the wall and away from Raymond. The past week has been one of the happiest in Len’s life. He hasn’t even been back to his room since getting together with Raymond, choosing to sleep in his bed with him every night. (Just sleep unfortunately. Gideon still hasn’t cleared him to do anything ‘strenuous’ since he was stabbed) 

 

The only hiccup so far has been for the past couple days Raymond has been begging Len to make up with Mick. Even though  _ Mick’s _ been the one not talking, but Len’s not being petty, it’s just him stating the facts. Mick’s the one that has a problem with him and he’ll come to him after he’s sorted all his shit out. That’s how they’ve always worked. Now Raymond’s in the mix and he actually wants them to  _ talk _ their feelings out. Bleh.

 

Raymond presses up against Len’s back, and tangles their legs together. Raymond starts pouting and Len buries his face in his pillow. Len knows if he sees Raymond’s stupid puppy dog face he’ll cave right then and there. “Pleeeease, please please please?”

 

“No!” Len’s muffled voice comes from the pillow.

 

Raymond’s arm wraps around Len’s waist and Len takes that hand on instinct. Raymond hooks his chin on Len’s shoulder. “Please please please?” Raymond starts kissing his neck between each please and Len finally caves.

 

“Fine…” He sighs as he turns on his back. Raymond leans up over him and his whole face lights up like a kid on christmas morning. Damn, Len really is dating an overexcitable puppy… “I don’t make any promises that he’ll talk to _ me _ , but I’ll try talking to him. Happy?”

 

“That’s all I asked.” Raymond tucks himself on Len’s shoulder, and Raymond starts playing with the hands that are still linked together. They fall asleep like that for another hour.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

They both wake up to growling stomachs and change into some comfortable clothes to lounge around the ship on. Len steals one of Raymond’s sweatshirts that’s too big on his smaller frame, but he couldn’t care less. It’s one of the softest things he’s ever wore in his life. He tells Raymond as much after he complains about Len stealing his stuff.

 

“It should be. It’s over ten years old and has probably been washed a thousand times.”

 

Len sticks his hands in the kangaroo pouch. “It’s mine now. You’re never getting it back. Hope you know that.”

 

Raymond raises his hands in surrender as they walk out of the room. They get their breakfast and sit at a table with Mick, Jax, and Nate.

 

“Mick can-” Mick gathers what’s left of his breakfast and makes a swift exit from the room, not even acknowledging Len’s existence. Len’s shoulders drop and he ignores the pitying looks the other three in the room send him. He knew this would happen, he told Raymond, but does he listen? Nope. He hates it when people pity him. He got enough of that growing up from his teachers that would see the bruises and scars, the disbelieve in their eyes when he would say it was just from him being clumsy. The only person growing up who didn’t send him looks of pity was Mick...

 

Len’s pulled from the memories by a hand slipping into his and squeezing. “You okay?” Raymond whispers. Len only nods and lays his head on Raymond’s left shoulder. “Are you done eating? You barely touched your food.”

 

Len nods again. Honestly he feels sick to his stomach and can’t even think about eating another bite. “Not hungry anymore.” Is the only explanation he gives.

 

Sweet, understand Raymond only nods. “Do you want to stay here while I finish my food? Or I could take this back to my room if you want?”

 

“Here’s fine.” Raymond nods and kisses him on top of the head. The other three continue eating their breakfast in silence.

 

“Hey, Snart,” Jax says with a mouthful. Len shifts his eyes up to him. 

 

“Don’t talk with your mouthful, Jefferson.” Len says with a slight smirk.

 

Jax rolls his eyes and swallows his food. “Yes, Mother. I didn’t realize you went to MIT.” He teases.

 

Len furrows his brows and sits up. He looks down at the stolen sweatshirt and just now sees that it’s an MIT sweatshirt. He shrugs. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He says cryptically.

 

“For example, he’s a sweater thief.” Raymond says.

 

Len starts nibbling at his breakfast again. “Now don’t give away  _ all _ my secrets, babe.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Len sees Raymond mouth a ‘Thank you’ to Jax and Jax nods in return.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Later that day, Len finds Mick in the cargo room with Amaya training. She flinches when he walks in, and he really hates that. At least Heywood’s stopped doing that since he was stabbed in Chicago. He keeps his eyes on Mick as he speaks to her.

 

“Can we have the room.” He doesn’t phrase it as a question.

 

She nods and leaves without a word. Mick goes to follow her, but Len steps in his way, blocking the only exit. Mick won’t even look at him.

 

“Move.”

 

Len crosses his arms and pulls himself to his full height, which is still an inch shorter than Mick. “No. I’ve given you space, now I’m done with you avoiding me. What’s your problem?”

 

Mick gives a wry chuckle and shakes his head. “Move before I make you move.”

 

Len stands his ground. “ _ No. _ Now tell me why you seem pissed I’m back.”

 

“ _ Fine!  _ You wanna do this now?! We’ll do this now!” Mick bellows suddenly and Len fights down the urge to flinch. “I’m not pissed you’re  _ back, _ I’m pissed you went and got yourself blown up in the first place! I’m pissed that you always focus more on your  _ suicidal missions _ than the people you leave behind!”

 

“You’re one to talk! I took your place at the Oculus so you would  _ live! _ ”

 

Mick scoffs. “ _ That _ time! But what about all the other times?!”

 

“What  _ other _ times?!”

 

“How about the time when you were twenty?! That ring any bells?!”

 

Len shifts and looks away. “ _ That _ was different.” Len says in a controlled voice.

 

“ _ Different?! _ You left a  _ note. _ I found you  _ passed out _ and  _ bleeding _ in that tub.” Mick’s voice starts rising again.

 

Len can feel his breathing quicken. “I  _ said- _ ”

 

“-that it was different?!  _ How,  _ Len?! Tell me  _ how _ that was different than all of these times!” Mick snatches Len’s right wrist in a tight grip. Len feels himself fully panicking and he squirms to get away, but Mick keeps a steady grip on him. 

 

“No…  _ please. _ ” Len barely hears himself whimper.

 

Mick ignores him as he pulls the sleeve to Raymond’s sweatshirt down to his elbow. Mick shoves Len’s arm into his face when he looks away. The faded scars that litter his arm stare back at him, taunting him. Len squeezes his eyes shut. “Huh?! Answer me, damn it!” He shakes Len’s arm. Len opens his eyes again and looks up at Mick. Real fear must have shown on his face because the next thing he knows, Mick’s face softens and he drops Len’s wrist. Len shuffles the sleeve back down quickly. “Lenny, I didn’t…” Mick says softly. He reaches out to Len slowly and Len panics. He takes a quick step back and gets out of Mick’s reach. Mick freezes and puts his arm back down to his side. Len vaguely hears Mick apologizing, but all his instincts are screaming at him to get out. He throws his hood on and hightails it out of the room as fast as possible. The last thing he hears is Mick yelling at him to stop.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

_ Shit! _ Mick screwed up big time. He hasn’t seen Len look that scared since they were teens and Len was running from his old man. Oh God, he had been  _ grabbing  _ him how that monster used to, holding him in place and throwing those scars in his face. If there’s one thing Len’s self conscious about, it’s those scars. Not even  _ Lisa _ knew about them.  _ Stupid! _ He had been so scared of losing Len again, he may have just pushed him away for good.

 

After a moment's hesitation, he ran in the direction Len had gone. He makes it to the bridge and finds Haircut. He figures if anyone knows where Len went, it’d be Len’s new boyfriend. “Hey Haircut, I need-”

 

That’s all Mick manages to get out before Palmer marches forward and punches Mick straight in the jaw, knocking him off balance. Heywood rushes over and holds back Palmer. “What the hell did you do to him?!”

 

Mick spits out the blood pooling in his mouth. “Yeah, I deserved that.”

 

Palmer struggles against Heywood. “What did you do?” He spits out.

 

“Whoa, hey! Let’s just talk about this!” 

 

“Yeah,  _ Mick _ , let’s  _ talk _ . I’ll go first. Len leaves to try and talk to you again. Remember how you blew him off at breakfast this morning? It was killing him that his supposed ‘best friend’ kept ignoring his very existence! So I told him to try and talk to you again! Next thing I know he comes running back into the room, not speaking a word, holding his right arm, and all around completely checked out! So I’ll ask one more time,  _ what, did, you, do?” _

 

Mick runs both his hands down his face. “ _ Shit!  _ I fucked up, okay! Now I need to go fix it.”

 

Heywood lets Palmer go. Great, now they’re both glaring at him. Since when has Heywood been on Len’s side? “You mean  _ fix _ the problem you started in the  _ first place?!” _ Palmer stops Mick from going into the hall with all the rooms. “Give me one good reason I should ever let you near him  _ again _ after this?!”

 

Damn it, Mick doesn’t have time for this! “Because, I’ve seen him like this before. When he was a kid, his old man used to think crying was a sign of weakness, whenever he saw Len or Lisa cry, he would beat them until they stopped. Now, instead of  _ crying, _ he just shuts down. The worse he feels, the more he shuts everyone and everything out around him. Now move!” Mick shoves a stunned Palmer out of the way and makes a beeline for Palmer’s room.

 

He knocks on the door but there’s no answer. He swipes his hand at the sensor and is shocked when it opens. Haircut must have left it unlocked when he ran out looking for him. He enters the room slowly and makes sure the door closes behind him. Len never likes an audience when he checks out like this. Len himself is curled up on the bed in the corner. He still has the hood to the sweatshirt up and his chin resting on his knees. The sleeves are too long and he has them over his hands. His arms are around his legs, holding them in place.

 

“Hey, Len?” Mick creeps up to the bed and makes himself as small as possible, like he’s going up to an easily startled animal. “Lenny?” Len just stares ahead with hooded and unfocused eyes. Mick climbs up on the bed, his movements slow and making sure to keep a foot's distance from Len. “We don’t need ta talk or nothin’, just nod if it’s okay for me to sit here.”

 

Len’s eyes shift to Mick, and after a minute of staring at him, he nods minutely. Mick nods and crosses his legs, ready to sit here for hours if he has to - he’s had to in the past. Mick makes sure he’s leaning against the opposite wall and not boxing Len in. 

 

After sitting in silence for thirty minutes, Mick tries again. “Your wrist okay?” Len keeps his eyes cast down and pulls the sleeve even further down. Mick tries a different tactic. “Ya like Haircut’s jacket there?”

 

Len huddles into the sweatshirt even more. A quiet, “Soft.” comes from the other end of the bed. Mick silently cheers in his head that he got one word from him.

 

Mick chuckles lightly. “You always like soft things, don’tcha. How old is that thing anyway?” Len takes his left hand and shows five fingers, closes his hand to a fist, then shows five fingers again. “Ten years old?” Len nods. “Are you two a thing now? I know you’ve had a crush on him since day one.”

 

Len nods again. “He’s nice. And sweet. And doesn’t make me talk, even though I know he’s seen them.” Len mutters as he plays with his sleeve.

 

Mick nods. “Well he’s got my approval, if it’s worth anythin’ to you. Anyone that has the balls ta deck me all for you deserves to be with you.”

 

Len lifts his head in shock and his eyes are a little more clear now. “He…?” Len points to Mick’s bruised chin.

 

Mick works his jaw with a grin. “Yup. Nearly knocked me on my ass too. For a boy scout, he really packs a punch.”

 

“Eagle scout.” Len corrects Mick on instinct. At Mick’s confused look he elaborates. “Raymond got all his merit badges, so that makes him an eagle scout.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Mick blurts out abruptly. He’s never been good at the small talk and now that Len’s calmer it’s a good a time as any to get to the point. “I crossed a line down in the cargo bay. It’s just, ya know how it’s always been your job ta look out for your little sister?” Len nods, eyes more guarded again. “Well, ever since I saved that little punk kid in juvie, it’s been  _ my _ job to look out for my little brother. And I failed. I failed to keep you safe and then when you were back like nothin’ happened, I got scared. It was  _ my _ fault you died, so I figured keepin’ you at arm's length would keep you safe. I was wrong and just made everythin’ worse and- oof!”

 

Mick gets the air knocked out of him when Len scurries across the bed and tackles him in a hug. Len wraps his arms around Mick’s middle and buries his face in Mick’s chest. Mick has his arms frozen and hovering over Len, not sure if he should touch him. “I missed you.” Len’s voice is muffled from talking into Mick’s chest. Mick relaxes and slowly drops his arms around Len. He stretches his legs out and let’s Len lay more fully on him. Len pulls his arms in and lays more on his side, head tucked under Mick’s chin. “Don’t like it when we fight.”

 

Mick rubs his hand up and down Len’s arm. “Don’t like it either. I was bein’ stupid, an’ I know we don’t do touchy feely, but I really am sorry for everythin’.”

 

Len grips at the front of Mick’s shirt. “This week with Raymond has got me rethinking my stance on talking things out. If we had talked in the beginning than all of this could have been avoided.”

 

Mick snorts. “That’s ironic you say that, since Haircut’s prolly pacin’ outside this door as we speak wantin’ to skin me alive.” Mick sighs and squeezes Len in a hug. “I’m glad you got someone lookin’ out for you.”

 

“I’ve always had someone looking out for me.” Len takes a deep, steadying breath. “I want to tell Raymond, about what I used to do to myself. And I was hoping you could be there too.”

 

“Whenever you’re ready.”

 

Len sits up. “How about now?”

 

Mick doesn’t try to hide the shock on his face. “You sure you’re ready right now?”

 

Len nods and has his stubborn face on. “I want to.”

 

Mick pats him on the knee. “If you want to.”

 

Len takes off his hood and puts his knees up again, this time burying his toes under Mick’s legs. “Gideon, could you let Raymond in?”

 

The doors slide open and Palmer comes running in. “Len, are you okay?” Palmer sends Mick a dirty look, which again, Mick totally deserves it.

 

Len beckens for Palmer to sit on the bed next to him with a strained smile. “Better. Mick and I worked things out. I wanted to talk to you about something else.”

 

Mick watches Palmer crawl around his legs and sit cross legged next to Len. He takes Len’s hand and Len clings to him. Palmer glances at Mick again before focusing on Len. “Mick mentioned that you’ve checked out like that before, that… that you started doing that instead of crying because your father used to hurt you.”

 

Len squeezes Palmer’s hand. “That’s part of it. Growing up, my grandfather was the only other good thing in my life besides my sister. He was even working on taking us away from our father. Never happened though. When I was twelve he had a heart attack and passed away. Lisa was too young to understand or remember, but his death hit me really hard. I cried for weeks.” Palmer wraps an arm around Len’s shoulders and Len lays against him. “I never cried in front of my father, but one time I was in the kitchen, looking through the freezer when I saw a carton of my grandfather’s favorite ice cream. It felt like a wave of grief just crashed into me and I just fell to the ground weeping. That’s how he found me. It wasn’t the first time he hurt me, but it was one of the worst. He broke my arm and dislocated my shoulder. The whole time he just kept yelling that ‘real men didn’t cry’ and that ‘crying is a weakness’.”

 

“Oh Len…” Len buries himself into Palmer’s chest. He starts rubbing calming circles on Len’s back. “We can stop, if you don’t-”

 

“No.” Len sits up again. “I want to keep going. I need to do this.” Palmer nods. “Afterwards I took his words to heart. I started practising not crying.”

 

“Practising?” Palmer asks. Mick puts a reassuring hand on Len’s knee and his friend sends him a grateful smile. 

 

Shaky hands slowly roll up both his sleeves, showing Palmer all the parallel scars that litter his arms. “That’s how it started. I thought I could keep doing it until I didn’t cry when I got hurt. After that, it just become addicting. It was the one thing I had complete control over in my life.  _ I _ controlled how deep or how shallow the blade went in, it was such a rush. When I was fourteen and I was in juvie for the first time Mick saved me from some punks in the yard, and we asked to be put in a room together. One night, I went too far and started to panic when the blood wouldn’t stop. And…”

 

Len hesitates as he stares at a burn scar on his left arm so Mick jumps in. “I burned it shut with a lighter ‘e got off a guard for me earlier that day. I swapped the sheets on our beds and the next mornin’ I told the guards my nose bled in the middle of the night. They were pissed ‘bout the blood but bought it.”

 

Len takes shaky breath. “After that, we kept each other in check, I’d watch his pyromania and he’d make sure I didn’t cut too much again. It was a good system and worked for years, until I was twenty. That was the only time I… purposely went too far. Lisa was eight and our father hurt her, enough that she needed stitches. I had tried to get custody of her before but kept getting denied because of my juvie record. Dad still had friends on the force that would look the other way about the beatings. I was useless. So I waited for Mick to leave and then went to the bathroom with the note. If Mick hadn’t forgotten his wallet and came back…” Len left the what if hanging in the air.

 

Palmer turns and pulls Len into a full hug. “It’s okay now. I got you.”

 

Len’s breath hitches. “I almost died. I  _ did _ die. T-twice. I’ve died twice now. My heart’s stopped  _ twice _ .” Len hides his face in Palmer’s neck and his hands snake up his back, getting a white knuckle grip on his shirt. “I don’t- I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die.” Len’s shoulders start shaking and his breathing is speeding up. “I wanna live. I don’t wanna die again.  _ Please! _ I don’t-” 

 

Len gasps for air and Palmer holds the back of Len’s neck. He starts to rock him back and forth. “You’re okay.” He whispers. “Just let it out. You’re safe here. It’s just Mick and I, you’re safe.”

 

Mick reaches forward and puts a gentle hand on Len’s back. “I’m right here, Buddy.”

 

Mick watches on as Len completely let’s go after that. All he can do is rub his back as Len sobs into Palmer’s shoulder. After about ten minutes Len’s breathing evens out and Palmer shifted so he could lean against the wall again, while still holding Len.

 

“He out?” Mick whispers.

 

Palmer looks down at Len. “Yeah.” He whispers back. “He really hasn’t cried since he was twelve?”

 

Mick nods as he studies Len too. “Never thought I’d say this, but you two really work well with one another. He’s made you tougher. You’d never have stood up to me like that before.”

 

Palmer winces. “Sorry about punching you.”

 

Mick shrugs. “It’s nothin’ I didn’t deserve. And don’t apologize for defendin’ him, you got me?” 

 

Palmer nods. “And how have I affected him?”

 

“You made him softer. Before this ship I woulda thought that made him weaker, but now, I see that he’s been thrivin’. For the past thirty years, it’s jus’ been the two of us against everyone else. Now he’s got others, and not jus’ you. I’ve noticed he’s got an older brother/uncle thing goin’ on with Jax, and Steelhead out there looked like he was about two seconds away from followin’ your lead and deckin’ me on the bridge too.” Mick pats him on the leg, careful not to wake Len up. “I’m gonna go tell Heywood everythin’s good here before he breaks the door down. Startin’ to feel like a third wheel anyway.”

 

“You can come back, I don’t think you’re a third wheel.”

 

Mick shakes his head. “I’m good. Jus’ look out for him.”

 

Palmer nods. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is badwolfchild. Feel free to send me prompts for coldatom!


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